This may of course end in tragedy for those affected and the man himself, but there's a whiff of splendid Bond villainy here:http://news.bbc.co.u...cas/7898569.stm
Texan banking magnate awarded dubious knighthood, with links to the West Indies (location!) and an inevitable fatal flaw - a soft spot for cricket and cricketers' wives/girlfriends. Bringing back the glories of "Bond and villain play a game", Bond infiltrates the English greedy bastards/Twenty20 cricket squad. Depending on the actor, Bond would be:-
(a. some sort of Scotsman (admittedly not a nation known for its cricket).
(b. some sort of Australian (admittedly not a nation known for its cricket).
(c. a stylish, Gower-esque dilletante, ready with a quip and a bottle of something splendid at the end of the day's play; everyone's fondness disguising the nagging suspicion that he may just have been very, very lucky and charm covers over a tendency towards daft choices and silly crapness now and again.
(d. someone who takes it all terribly seriously and misses the point by a country mile and, in understanding his motivation, imagines himself as the ball.
(e. a populist, aged fat boy living off past glories albeit tremendously successful to start with - think Botham at Durham.
(f. a deadly demon bowler who celebrates each wicket by kebabbing the unfortunate batsman on a splintered stump and then kicking the umpire to death (but who hurts inside, oh the torment
Laugh! As Bond "bowls a maiden over". Fnarr.
Laugh again! at "Fine leg" and "Gully" and "The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey" etc.
Cry! When the film stops for tea.
Snore! As the climax goes on for five days without evident resolution.
Thrill! To the sight of Daniel Craig in a cricket box. Oh, I say
Eat! Some nice cake.
Hum along! To the theme tune - "Oh Aggers, stop it..."
. Dirty Vegas mix.
Inflict! Your inane view and upsetting spelling upon the members of message boards for months with your observations upon the incredible set pieces:-
- the tension of the bad light meter sequence - will the third light go on or not? (it were all shakeycam, i do'nt like it)
- the amazing "it looks like rain" stunt sequence ("THEY COPIED IT FROM THE BOURNE FILMS THE GIMPS")
- the slo-mo bail tumbling ("that wasn't the original ending i can prove that they got it wrong")
- the terrifying Duckworth-Lewis sequence ("This film is a disaster because the exchange rate against the seat ratio against the girth of my ego means it is, don't you know anything?")
- the state of the outfield ("this wouldn't have happened in Ken Adddams' day; just saying, don't get at me.")
- the brilliantly edited coin toss ("I couldn't make out what was going on and I obviously need to draw the film from memory so it's a bad film because I can't do that for some unfathomable reason")
James Bond 007
"Corridors of Uncertainty"
Coming soon to a cinema near you. Run! Maybe two!
DVD commentary by Blofeld. Henry Blofeld. And Christopher Martin-Scaramanga.