[DaveBond21]

What's grey and has a trunk?



A mouse going on holiday

[Mr Malcolm]

What goes 'oooooooooooooooh!'?

A cow with no lips.

[DaveBond21]

When is a door not a door?

When it's a jar.

[Mharkin]

What to Snowmen eat for Breakfast?
Snowflakes

- who the came up with these lame jokes! lol

[DaveBond21]

Why was Cinderella so bad at football?

Because her coach was a pumpkin.

[DaveBond21]

Any more of these traditional awful jokes??

[Bradley De La Cloche]

I found this one in a Christmas Cracker 2 years ago. To this day, I've no idea what it means, or even if it's supposed to be a joke.

Q: What did the lobster say to the moon?
A: He said "Hello".





True story.

This post has been edited by Bradley De La Cloche: 17 December 2008 - 11:06 AM

[Mharkin]

LMAO what the hell....

I got these two recently:

Q: How do frogs communicate to eachother?
A: They use Morse Toad!




Q: Why did the boy take a ladder to school?
A: Because he was in HIGH SCHOOL!

[dogmanstar]

A couple of years ago:

Q: Why don't sharks eat clowns?
A: They taste funny.

[Vauxhall]

DaveBond21, on 12 December 2007 - 22:46, said:

When is a door not a door?

When it's a jar.

I'm delighted that this one's made the list. Pure comedy gold all year round.

Anyway, my contribution:
Q - Why did the man get the sack from the orange juice factory?
A - Because he couldn't concentrate.

[Bradley De La Cloche]

Just remembered this one...

Q: Why is Milk so fast?
A: Because it's pasteurised* before you drink it.


Hah-bloody-hah.


* "past yer eyes"

[danslittlefinger]

Q: Why aren't there any aspirin in the jungle?

A: Because parrots eat them all (paracetamol)


(Rubbish? Yeah so bite me )



Here bite this instead, Happy Holidays to all on CbN!

from Finger.

(what's irish, green and sits outside?
Brosnan on paddy-o (patio) furniture, sorry )

This post has been edited by danslittlefinger: 19 December 2008 - 05:54 AM

[ACE]

A pregnant teenage girl phones her dad at midnight and says:
'Can you come and get me? I think ma water has broken'
'Okay,' says her dad. 'Where are you ringing from?
'Fae my knickers tae ma feet. '

A Glasgow woman goes to the dentist and settles down in the chair.
'Comfy?'asks the dentist.
'Govan,' she replies.

What did the male Siamese twins from Glasgow call their autobiography
..?
Oor Wullie.

A guy walks into an antiques shop and says: 'How much for the set of antlers?'
'Two hundred quid,' says the bloke behind the counter'
'That's affa dear,' says the guy.
'Aye yer right!' replies the bloke

Did you hear about the fella who liked eating bricks and cement?
He's awa' noo.

After announcing he's getting married, a boy tells his pal he'll be wearing the kilt.
'And what's the tartan?' asks his mate.
'Oh, she'll be wearing a white dress,'

Ten cows in a field. Which one is closest to Iraq?
Coo eight.

A Scotsman in London is having trouble phoning
his sister from a telephone box. So he
calls the operator who asks in a plummy voice:
'Is there money in the box?
'Naw, it's just me,' he replies.

While getting ready to go out, a wee wifie says to her husband:
'Do you think I'm getting a wee bit pigeon chested?'
And he says: 'Aye, but that's why I love you like a doo.'

What was the name of the first Scottish cowboy?
Hawkeye The Noo.

What do you call a pigeon that goes to Aviemore for its holidays?
A skean dhu.

'What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and an Aberdeen sheep farmer?
The Rolling Stones say: 'Hey you, get off of my cloud.'
And an Aberdeen sheep farmer says: 'Hey McLeod, get off of ma ewe.

'What do you call an illegitimate Scottish insect?
A wee fly b*****d.

Did you hear about the BBC Scotland series that features the queue for the toilets at Waverley Station?
It's called The Aw' Needin' Line.

While being interviewed for a job as a bus driver, a guy is asked:
'What would you do if you had a rowdy passenger?' 'I'd put him off at
the next stop,' he says. 'Good. And what would you do if you couldn't
get the fare?' 'I'd take the first two weeks in August,' he replies.

Two negatives make a positive but only in Scotland do two positives make a negative - 'Aye right.'

A Glasgow man - steaming and skint - is walking down Argyle Street when he spots a guy tinkering with the engine of his car!
'What's up Jimmy?' he asks.
'Piston broke,' he replies.
'Aye, same as masel...

[agentjamesbond007]

What's big, hairy, and long?
A bear.

Why does Santa have a big sack?
he comes once a year.

[Mharkin]

agentjamesbond007, on 7 February 2009 - 21:10, said:

What's big, harry, and long?
A bear.

I don't get it.

[agentjamesbond007]

Mharkin007, on 7 February 2009 - 15:32, said:

agentjamesbond007, on 7 February 2009 - 21:10, said:

What's big, hairy, and long?
A bear.

I don't get it.

A bear is big as in fat, hairy as in full of hair, and long as in tall as opposed to your