73 replies to this topic

[Loomis]

"We're going back to the literary Bond.... Gardner."

"There won't be any 'Bond women' in this movie. 'Bond girls', if you don't mind. If we've already got Bond massacring the baddies, kicking butt during fight scenes, and making clever quips, why do we need the leading lady doing exactly the same thing? No, we're going to turn the clock back and have some good old-fashioned damsels in distress, like Britt Ekland in THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN. A couple of beautiful girls in bikinis, without a brain cell between them, is just what the doctor ordered."

"The tone of this film will be much more lighthearted than with the recent ones. Enough of 'grit' and 'darkness', and probing 'the man within' James Bond - all we want to do is make a silly, escapist, fun-for-all-the-family rollercoaster ride of cartoonish action scenes and plenty of real laughs."

"Why did we choose CASINO ROYALE? Well, you think of an original title that sounds suitably Bondian - as a matter of fact, there are only four left in the entire world, and we've got the rights and are keeping them firmly under wraps for at least the next 10 years."

"Yes, we'll be filming much of CASINO ROYALE in Tokyo, because we've signed some really big product placement deals with a number of major Japanese companies."

"We chose Julian because he looks sorta like a younger Brosnan without the $40 million price tag. He seems eager and easily controlled, and we think he'll boost the female audience."

"We asked Martin back to direct since we think he did an excellent job on GOLDENEYE, and, frankly, every single A-list director we talked to told us to **** off."

"No, there's absolutely no truth in the rumours that we considered actors like Hugh Jackman and Clive Owen for Bond." (Translation: "They told us to **** off.")

Any more?

[spynovelfan]

'They'll be more like the Bourne films. Clearly, we need to learn the lessons of the last few films and add some genuine suspense...'

'We're not just saying it'll be a faithful adaptation this time - it actually will be one...'

'Well, apart from the usual stuff we've nicked from John Gardner books...'

'We wanted Rupert in the role because we thought it was time we acknowledged the homo-erotic element in the character...'

[Loomis]

"When writing the script, the first thing we always asked each other was: 'How would Fleming have told this story? What would Fleming have had these characters do?' And having figured out what Fleming would have done, we made sure we wrote it in the exact opposite way, since Fleming is as boring and dated as you can get and what we're writing are dumb action movies for modern teenagers."

[Janus Assassin]

We will not be using CGI in this film. And James Bond won't become The Matrix.

[Tarl_Cabot]

Babs: We couldn't afford Brosnan again; besides he was getting way too old for this job. We had to constantly break schedule for his ailing back and he was becoming a pain in the bum anyway.We also couldn't afford or Owen and Jackman and our script wasn't good enough for them to consider anyway so we went for the K-mart special and hired another TV star who'd push his grandmother off a cliff for this role...and low balled him into a 5 picture deal! and Cubby always preached to me as a child: Never pay retail!

We're thrilled to introduce Julian Jac- er uh Julian Mcmahon as the new James Bond.


Breat thread idea Loomis-it's been a little stale around here lately.

[booyeah_]

You won't hear:


"We're glad to announce the triumphant return of Joe Don Baker to the series,





















... as James Bond 007."

[Righty007]

"We've eliminated M, Q, Moneypenny, Robinson, Tanner, MI6, Aston Martin's, vodka martini's, the gun barrel sequence, the James Bond Theme, and the number 007. We feel it's time to get serious and get James Bond back to the basics."

[Double-Oh-Zero]

"Yes, the Bourne films were a huge kick in the to all of us involved with the Bond films...we owe a huge debt of gratitude to the filmmakers for giving us a good shot in the arm. So much so that Damon himself is here today, and will be assisting Bond in the film..."

"...we just felt that Tarantino was, quote, 'too damn good for us...'"

"The reason that we felt Brosnan should depart form the role was because he was too bleedin' old, frankly. And he was a greedy little sod who wanted to take the charcter into 'new' and 'different' directions. He also asked for a cool 40 million, the ungrateful little bastard. After all we had done for him! He didn't even have common decency to show up to our birthday party last year, either. Likely sipping cognac on his private section of beach with his 'perfect' family, enjoying his 'perfect' life. Well, we just happened to be the ones who 'perfectly' offered you the role, even after you had to refuse in '86..." [continues on for several hours] "...anyway, here's the bloke from 'Gosford Park' and those BMW commercials."

"Yes, Dench's M will get violently drunk in this film...again..."

"Yeah, we'll be doing the blatant product placement thing again this time round. And everyone who attended here today gets a bottle of Finlandia, an electric Norelco razor, and a copy of EA Games' 'From Russia With Love,' in stores now."

"Oh, it'll cost around $200 million this time around. We plan to make all the money back from DVD sales and Pay-Per-View."

"No, we don't mind Tamahori having that little "xXx" thing going for him. Talentless hack. Er...next question?"

[Janus Assassin]

We are proud to pronounce the director of Casino Royale is Lee Tamahori.

[Tarl_Cabot]

George Lucas is writing and directing Casino Royale, as well as buying the franchise. Hayden Christiansen is the new 007.

[Willie Garvin]

"We at EON have found the perfect actor to play James Bond and usher in a new series of films for the 21st Century.Of course we first considered all of the obvious candidates:Jackman,Owen,Butler,McMahon,Davenport and Hasselhoff.But then we realized that the ideal 007 was here among us all the time.

Ladies and gentlemen of the press,it gives us great pleasure to introduce the sixth James Bond.....Michael G.Wilson."

[Dmitri Mishkin]

We're not looking to profit from any of this.

Really, we enjoyed MGM's input and gracious advice throughout this long search.

With this new film, we will be taking Bond back to his roots and leaving out anything even mildly offensive. But it will still be gritty. Oh yes.

Indecisive? Us? Not at all. Look, we already have a title.

[hartley_bond]

"We thought, why bother coming up with a new Bond girl, when there's already one with great chemistry with Bond who appears in the films anyway! The new Bond girl is Judi Dench, ladies and gentlemen!"

"We've taken up Sean Connery's suggestion and cast Michael G. Wilson and Barbara Broccoli as the villains"

"Bond will be a CGI recreation of Sean Connery in his prime. At least this way, they won't be saying "Oooh, he was nice but not as good as Sean"."

"We refute all claims that we're jealous of the Bourne films! Now, back to the film. In the first scene, Bond kicks the out of ex-government assasain Bason Journe..:

"Bond will be a supporting character in this film. His usual role will be taken over by Halle Berry as Jinx!"

"We wanted writers that would produce a more gritty film than Purvis and Wade. So we hired Mike Meyers!"

"We wanted a more realistic film this time round. Anyway, the villain for this film is called Davros and he and his henchmen, the Daleks, try to......."

"We wanted a younger, less experienced Bond, while at the same time having someone whose previous films have had box office success. Give a big round of applause for the new 007, Daniel Radcliffe!:

[Jim]

"We're doing it Dogme."

"Our father said "Don't screw it up". Yeah, well, he's in a jar of Nescafe now so he can't touch us. Nurr nurr nurr."

"We don't want to investigate character. We don't want to find out what makes him tick. Psychoanalysis is in the bin. We've got fifteen dolly birds, some of whom are wearing very little, 'cos that's all women are for."

"We're going to let the editor read the story."

"We've run out of ideas, but you'll give us your money anyway, you fetid saps. We spurn you, we despise you and still the cash pours in. You've no idea how amusing it is to roll around naked atop a pile of greasy dollars thinking of how we can palm you all off with two tepid hours of underwhelming rehash."

"The last one was rubbish."

[Stephenson]

"Oh, of course Bond will smoke and slap women ... He's Bond! And just to clarify, he does not use protection during sex!"

"Now, about our decision to make the first R rated Bond movie ...."

"Really, we are only motivated by a concern for the character's integrity and feel, artistically, that this is the best way to go."

"We intend to take Bond back to his roots: Finlandia, Omega, BMW and Brioni."

"Vesper who?"

"After the mysterious woman gives him a dose, Bond travels to a health clinic, where ...."

"And then Bond dies. No, for real this time!"

Edited by canoe2, 28 March 2005 - 06:27 PM.

[spynovelfan]

"We intend to take Bond back to his roots: Finlandia, Omega, BMW and Brioni."

Scarily, I think they could say that.

[Stephenson]

Yeah, I know. I think I was a little confused and began to think of things it woould terrify me to hear at a Bond press conference.

[hrabb04]

Yes, Sean Connery deserved every penny he got from us.

[Agent 76]

"We were prepared to give the role to Sean Combs, but then we stopped smoking crack, and returned to the good reality. "

[Bon-san]

Throughout our casting and script review process, we paid close attention to the excellent analysis and commentary on the renowned internet site, commanderbond.net...

[Stephenson]

"We always listen to what the fans want; they're our guiding light."

"The Insider is real!"

[Loomis]

Throughout our casting and script review process, we paid close attention to the excellent analysis and commentary on the renowned internet site, commanderbond.net...

Good one.

"There's always a real family atmosphere when making a Bond film. And that's because.... well, let's just say that it isn't a coincidence that many of the crew members and other people involved in the film have the same surnames as very famous people who've been associated with the Bonds for decades. Which is how they got their jobs, frankly."

[spynovelfan]

'We are pleased to announce that Adrian Paul is the new James Bond.'

[Loomis]

*Deep sigh* "Okay.... if you want to know the truth.... yes, we did try to sign Rikki Lee Travolta." *Wipes away tear* "What can I say? We were this close to a deal, but he.... I don't know, I.... sorry, I guess this isn't the time or the place, is it? BUT HE COULD HAVE BEEN THE NEW CONNERY!!!!!!!! I'm sorry, I'm sorry.... it's just a bit upsetting, but...." *Brightens* "....hey-ho, as I say, we're delighted to announce Julian McMahon as the new---- as the new---- oh, Rikki Lee, WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

[Bon-san]

BB: "The minotaur was actually Simon Crane's idea, and Neal and Rob just loved it, so.....

MW: "Yeah, I think Harry actually wanted to use it in 'Diamonds Are Forever', but Cubby and Guy put their foot down."

[Agent 76]

" this time, we're gonna make James Bond political incorrect again"

[Zooks]

"Patrick Stewart will be playing Ernst Stravo Blofeld."

[Sam Fisher]

" We are pleased to announce, to the credit of Purvis and Wade: That the role of James Bond goes to Ronald MacDOnald who can handle the intristic complex character development and well crafted story a Purvis and Wade script can bring."

"The Bond Girl will be played by Hugh Hefner"

"Instead of Bon'd Scottish roots we're updating that to Ubgani"

"We, the twofaced production company of James Bond, Casino Royale will just say whatever what the fans will hear but in honesty our fingers were crossed behind our backs. Because we at EON like to make empty promises and can only assure you that the new film will be an utter waste of film."


"Martin Campbell was replaced by scriptwriters Purvis and Wade."

There should be a contest about these

[eyeinthesky]

"We're going to let the british press decide on who's the next James Bond"
"We don't plan on making a penny on this film. Honest"
"Uncle Bulgaria IS James bond"

[hartley_bond]

Bond has many knew gadgets such as a sonic scredriver, a matter transmitter, a time-slavey relay, a molecular........"