Spoof facts about James Bond, Things even the enigmatic 007 doesn't know about himself! Options

[Adam_Almond]

A friend of mine has a show on a community radio station and asked me to contribute. As we are both 007 fans and QOS was due to be released I thought I'd send him a list of fake 007 facts...I forgot to send the list! So for your perusal here is the list.

Dr. No (1962)
• The process of “toppling” as described in the novel and film bears no relation to the actual process of toppling which involves using a crane to remove an enitre floor of a skyscraper and placing it gently on top, intrestingly that is also how the idea for popular, but dangerous, game Jenga was thought up.

From Russia With Love (1963)
• The LEKTOR machine, the film’s “McGuffin”, was made into a toy, but had to be banned when someone bought one and converted it into a WWII Enigma machine, and was accidentally donated to the British War Museum.

Goldfinger (1964)
• The famous opening sequence in which 007 electrocutes an assasin by throwing an electric heater into a bath, was entirely accidental. Calvin Lowe, the stuntman in question, was fortunately unharmed, but is now able to power electrical devices through mere touch alone. Calvin also switches the Christmas lights on in his home town of Chipping Norton…unintentionally, by walking through the town centre, the day before they’re officially switched on.

Thunderball (1965)
• The scene where Bond sucks a jellyfish spine out of Domino’s foot, a foot made of quorn had to be made, as Connery was going through a vegertarian phase at the time. He’s OK now.

You Only Live Twice (1967)
• Little Nellie, 007’s “IKEA” helicopter, proved such a hit, that “Blue Peter” showed viewers how to make their own. However were forced to apologise two weeks later, following reports that childeren were falling out of the sky. One child, had been found head first and feet in the air in marshland near Witly Bay. The received 30,000 complaints from people who neither had kids or helicopters.

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969)
• George Lazenby was so good as James Bond that the producers felt that one was enough to cement him firmly in people’s hearts and memories.

• After being the first strong independent Bond Girl, Diana Rigg (now Dame Diana Rigg) feared she would be typcast so pursued other roles such as feisty crime fighter Emma Peel in The Avengers.

Diamonds Are Forever (1971)
• Connery’s return as Bond was a total accident, he wandered on to set in quite a state, ssemingly drunk, although he blamed it on strong sleeping tablets.

Live and Let Die (1973)
• Sean Connery was considered a little too old to carry on his tenure as Bond. So producers plumped for the fresher face of 45 year old Roger Moore.

The Man with the Golden Gun (1975)
• The Weather Girls were approached to write and record the theme tune, however their offering “Golden Shower” was quickly turned down and a song was written for Lulu instead.

The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)
• The iconic Union Flag parachute, was a late addition. The stunt man was not supposed to have a parachute. But someone had forewarned Calvin Lowe of the plot and packed his own.

Moonraker (1979)
• Cashing in on the success of films such as Star Wars, Close Encounters of the Third Kind , Alien, The Deer Hunter and The Graduate, it was decided that Bond would go into space. The original treatment included Bond facing off against Space Nazis. With Bond now working for the Galactic Action Gang. The gadgets seemd rather pointless.

For Your Eyes Only (1981)
• The Citroen chase down the mountain was due to the film makers not being able to afford another Lotus Esprit following an incident where Moore had left a cigar burning in the ashtray, causing the car to explode killing two stuntmen and seriously injuring a third, Calvin Lowe.

Octopussy (1983)
• Seemingly learning their lesson after the “Little Nellie” furore sixteen years before, Blue Peter refrained from showing veiwers how to make their own Acrostar Minijet, as seen in the opening sequence, and instead showed the, how to make a crocodile submarine, this backfired when 5 childeren were captured, killed and turned into shoes and handbags.

A View to a Kill (1985)
• Due to budgetary constraints the Eiffel Tower scenes were actually shot on Blackpool Tower, Blackpool. To make it more like France, garlic was rubbed on to the celluloid film before processing.

The Living Daylights (1987)
• At 57, Roger Moore decided to hang up his Walther PPK and move on and a search for the next 007 was on…many people auditioned, including; Pierce Brosnan, Hugh Grant, Michael J. Fox (When he was stirred, not shaken), Robert Lyndsay, David Jason, Ringo Starr and Jodie Foster.

Licence to Kill (1989)
• The drugs in the cocaine plant sequence, hence Benicio Del Toro’s incomprehensible accent in The Usual Suspects.

Goldeneye (1995)
• The title of this film is named after James Bond creator Ian Fleming’s Jamaica home. Other films that employ a similar titling system include: Arlington Road; Murder at 1600; The Twilight Zone; The House on Haunted Hill; Xanadu and Zardoz.

Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)
• Actual phone control BMWs were marketed as promotional items for the film, however they were banned as in the days before it was against the law, whenever someone rang them on their phone in the car, they accidentally answer their control phone and careen into bus shelters, houses, off bridges and into each other.

The World is Not Enough (1999)
• Robert Carlyle can’t feel pain in real life, which is how he was capable of repeatedly headbutting people in Trainspotting and how he could drag broken glass across his knackers in The Full Monty’s deleted scenes.

Die Another Day (2002)
• In order to celebrate 40 years of the 007 films, they made one of the worst ones yet. UP YOURS FANS!

* There are many references to other Bond adventures and other bond related ephemera in this movie, James Bond poses as an ornitholilogist (as was his real-life namesake), Jynx's emergence from the ocean is reminiscent of Honey Rider's entrance in "Dr. No", and the protangonist's name is James Bond, as he is in all the other ones.

Casino Royale (2006)
# Daniel Craig was derided for wearing a life jacket on the day he was announced as Bond while on a speed boat across the Thames...why such a media frenzy? For "Thunderball" Connery had to wear arm bands! Roger Moore couldn't fire his gun with yelping! And Pierce Brosnan was always worried about his hair!

Quantum of Solace (2008)

After Quantum of Solace there are only three other original Ian Fleming titles to be used. They are "Risico", "The Hilderbrand Rarity", a full remake of "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" and last of all "Bond Goes Camping"





I fully invite you to add to this list and if it ever does get used anywhere in my writing, I will give a credit.

[SPECTRE ASSASSIN]

OMG that was funny up until the part where you mentioned Marty McFly. C'mon now. LOL.

[jaguar007]

Diamonds Are Forever (1971)
• Connery’s return as Bond was a total accident, he wandered on to set in quite a state, ssemingly drunk, although he blamed it on strong sleeping tablets.

My favorite

[Adam_Almond]

I wasn't pround of that one. But it stayed as it did make me laugh for about a week after I got over how shocking it was.

[Jaws0178]

No offense, but I thought the Michael J Fox one was kind of low as well. Other than that, great list.

[Jaws0178]

In the movie Die Another Day the character of "Mr Kil" was originally to be named "Mr. Die", however the actor, whose name is Alexandrios Kil flubbed his lines because he got to be close to Pierce Brosnan, saying the line in the finished movie. Lee Tamahori, who was wearing a Vera Wang Ballgown that day, said "Oh my Gawd, I love it! Keep it in, keep it in!!!" although eyewitnesses were not quite sure he was referring to the line, or his .... so how bout them Dodgers?